Finding the balance between Motherhood & Me

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

The Bad Days will Screw You


"I will never leave my baby to cry", or at least I thought I never would? That was until my happy, content baby who would sit for ten minutes and let me potter about changed.

This week I have no idea what is wrong with my son - we are both getting over an illness, is it that? Is he teething? Is it a leap? Nothing I do is helping him, even when he is fed, changed, warm... nothing I do will settle him.

Monday morning (ironically Blue Monday) I snapped, I couldn't help him and I needed to sterilise his bloody bottles, I had no choice but to put him down in his bouncer and let him scream. I knew he was okay, I knew he wasn't going to hurt himself but it was absolute torture. It goes against every parenting instinct I know, it shattered me. Once I was done and I picked up my baby, he was bright red with tears all over his face. It broke my heart.

Parenting is hard and the bad days will screw you. I cannot believe the emotional rollercoaster that motherhood, on one hand its the best thing I have ever done and at the exact same time it's also the hardest.

Giving up everything you are to become someone's world is a very high benchmark, and when you feel you are letting down that person it will sucker punch you in the heart.


How do you deal with the bad days? 

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7 comments

  1. I know it's a cliche but parenting really is the hardest job in the world. I think it helps to have some time off occasionally if your partner or a family member can mind them and you could have a bath? A stroll in the fresh air? It all helps ..
    Have a good weekend, Jules x

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  2. Sometimes they just need to have a little grizzle. It doesn't make you a bad parent. At bedtime my daughter goes in her cot, she ALWAYS has a cry. Within 1 minute it stops and she goes to sleep. It doesn't mean you don't care it just means sometimes you need to do what is best for you BOTH, not just your baby. Your baby needed bottles and you needed to get them done! You're a great parent x

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  3. There are good times and bad. In the early days I had no choice but to let Dex cry when he used to get overtired. I never left his side but there was literally nothing that could be done. It was horrible but we will remember much more than they will. Hope you find some brighter days soon xx

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  4. It doesn't get any easier unfortunately. Benjamin is my third but I still feel like a new mum when he's crying for seemingly no reason. I have to put him down to cry sometimes, it doesn't make you a bad mum but it certainly makes you feel like one at the time. Great post. x

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  5. It is horrible to hear them scream it really is but I found with all three of mine they had to get used to not being clung to me 247 every day. I don't think I would have gotten out of the house most days if they didnt get used to sitting in their chair for ten mins having a whinge while I got ready! xx

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  6. Oh it is awful when this happens! I have always said I would never let my baby scream, but as you quite rightly pointed out, if they are safe and fed/watered/changed/warm and you HAVE to get something done, sometimes there is no choice. It happens to us all and it will happen again. Just last night I had to let Alfie scream because he wanted picking up but I was dishing up a hot dinner and Daddy wasn't there to help. He was fine when I finally got to him, but it's just so hurtful to see those tears on his face. Just know that you are a brilliant mum - if you weren't you wouldn't get upset about it all xx

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  7. Your doing amazing G - babies scream sometimes,heck sometimes I just want to cry for no reason, I guess it's something we all just have to come to terms with. I feel for you that Rory's having a bad week!! We're just out of what felt like bad month and you end up absolutely drained! Fingers crossed it gets better!

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